HOUSTON—When Northeast Houston Baptist Church launched a prayer emphasis last year in conjunction with its church planting vision, members expected God to move mightily. But they had no idea how extensive his work would be in them quite apart from church planting.

Planting 10 churches in 20 years was the vision that launched the prayer movement. As a first step, Northeast Houston hoped to begin sending out its members within three years to seed new congregations. But they knew a God-sized vision like that would require dependence on the Lord. So last January they began a one-year prayer emphasis.

From the beginning, pastoral leadership pressed to make prayer more than an item on the worship bulletin. On Sunday mornings worshipers were invited to assume a biblical posture of prayer—seated, standing with arms raised, prostrate or kneeling at the altar. And they were encouraged to gather in small groups in the auditorium.

“It was hard for our congregation at first. Some weren’t comfortable praying in groups,” Scott Harper, the music ministry lay leader, said.
During the yearlong emphasis, families were urged to carve out time at home each day for prayer together. And prayer time was extended during worship services. Sunday afternoons became a time devoted to prayer as well.

Harper and his wife Cheryl said family prayer time with their 15-year-old daughter Mackenzie became a nightly priority. Using the recommended Operation World prayer book, the Harpers prayed for every nation in the world during 2013. Not only was the missions prayer emphasis a lesson in geography but one in empathy and humility.

“When you grow up in this country, you might start thinking God is American,” Harper said. “It was good for our daughter to get a global view.”

Praying for countries that are considered America’s adversaries brought home Christ’s admonition that believers should pray for their enemies.

“The world really is a small place and they all need Jesus,” Harper said.

Each evening one of the Harpers would remind the family they needed to pray. Harper said there was no more wonderful sound than to hear his daughter say, “Hey! We need to pray.”

Prayer began to infuse their lives. It became second nature within their family and among their fellow church members, they said. At the church, small group prayer time on Wednesday nights incrementally expanded from five minutes to 10 minutes to 20 minutes. Eventually, groups began to exceed the allotted time with their petitions. A practice that felt awkward to many at first became a cherished time within the church family.

Sunday afternoon prayer gatherings generated similar enthusiasm. At the start of the prayer emphasis, Lino announced that he would be praying at the church Sunday afternoons from 4:50 to 5:50. Anyone was welcome to join him.

He just left it at that, Cheryl Harper said. And people came. The time flies, Scott Harper said, and the hour is over all too soon.

Increased time before God generated a growing recognition of his provision and intimacy among the church family, members remarked. Dependence on God and one another became ingrained, especially in times of crisis.

Last October, for example, Cheryl Harper’s doctors discovered a mass in her stomach. Tests concluded it was not cancerous but surgery was scheduled for February. Of course, she and fellow Northeast Houston members made it a matter of prayer.

“We just put it in God’s hands. We know his will will be done,” she said.

Through the year the prayer emphasis drew the pastoral staff closer to one another, associate pastor Greg Kingry noted. Their sense of accountability became more acute to live holy as pastors, husbands and fathers.

“How can we expect to shepherd others if our house is not in order?” Kingry asked.

He, like Cheryl Harper, said the impact on his family was timely and profound. The birth of his first grandchild, Noah, last March evoked a mix of joy and angst. Born with hydrocephalus, doctors told the family Noah would have ongoing medical problems.

Kingry immediately contacted those he knew he could depend on to pray—his church family and friends at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, where he worked before coming to Northeast Houston.

Prayers for Noah intensified in September when the infant’s condition deteriorated. The diagnosis was infantile spasms, a rare form of epilepsy that can impair long-term development. Kingry said God provided money to pay for the very expensive medicine that reduced Noah’s symptoms.

Still family, church and friends prayed.

In January, following exams by doctors treating the two disorders, Noah was released from their care. There was no longer evidence of either medical condition.

“We wholly believe it is the power of prayer. We saw it throughout the entire time. Then the doctors told us, ‘It’s not there,’” Kingry said.

Members of Northeast Houston still expect God to use them in great ways for church planting, but they have also learned a profound lesson about God’s ability to use prayer in every facet of life.

Upon getting the report about his grandson, Kingry sent an email to the “prayer warriors” announcing the good news. One warrior, an intermediate school teacher, read the email while in class and began to cry in front of his students. Concerned, they asked what was wrong. The teacher shared the whole story with the students who, in turn, were moved to tears.

Kingry concluded, “It gave him the opportunity to speak about the power of prayer.”

I could not exaggerate the benefit my wife has been to my ministry for 37 years. She’s been an example to me, a confidant who always supports me and tells me when I’m wrong. She helped me with college and seminary, took a few classes herself, cared for our kids while I traveled all over, hosted other people’s kids in our home at all hours and became a co-worker who made every effort of mine she touched more creative and fruitful. An important component of this is her own commitment to ministry, made before we ever took notice of one another. My ministry is our ministry is her ministry also.

I’ve seen other men similarly blessed with wives who became ministry partners and multipliers. Although each of these couples is unique, some similarities I’ve seen in these women seem important. 

A call of her own: The best ministry wives I’ve known are themselves ministers. At times, that ministry may be focused almost exclusively on home or children but as a rule these wives are influential in the lives of other people through writing, prayer, teaching and personal counseling. One cluster of accomplished women I know well maintains relationships through Facebook, strategic phone calls and texting, even when separated from their disciples by miles or oceans.

A commitment to her husband’s leadership: Regardless of who is smartest or who has the most earning potential, a husband is ultimately responsible for the leadership of his family. A wife’s call is to submit to his servant leadership, even when she does not consider him very servant-like, or much of a leader. Ministry wives who take a defensive or aggressive stance in response to ministry challenges are subverting their too-timid husbands. A search committee once asked me about an acquaintance who’d been fired from his last church. They quickly got around to their main concern: His wife answered most of the questions they asked him about his former church. The new church called him and then fired him a few months later. While the situation was more complex than I can explain here, things might have been different—he might have been different—if she’d trusted him and trusted God in a more demonstrable way.

Commitment to her husband’s call: While some vocations may allow a wife to be disengaged from her husband’s work, this one does not. The boundary between workday and home life is very blurred in ministry families. I’ve seen this be a source of great tension in some marriages. Neither he nor she had any idea how total a commitment to ministry can be. When the hours are irregular, the pay disappointing and the criticisms personal, “What have you got us into?” can be right under the surface. Ministry life is not normal if anything is normal. The understanding that God’s call is “ours” rather than “yours” makes a huge difference during hard times.

Diverse friendships: These outstanding helpmeets have friends of greater and lesser maturity levels. From peers or even mentors they draw advice for the challenges of their own lives. What they have learned or are learning they pass along to women who’ve not walked with the Lord quite as far. Women are great at this collecting relationships thing; great ministry wives use their personal networks as a means to build up other people, families and churches.

Negatively, I’ve seen ministries curtailed because the wife in the partnership has lacked one or more of these characteristics. I hesitate even to mention this from a negative point of view. But Paul was not wrong when he said in 1 Corinthians 7:32-35 that married men and women have divided interests—pleasing a spouse and pleasing the Lord. Most of our generation would say that a man or woman’s first priority is to the Lord, the second is spouse or family and the third loyalty is vocational ministry. Paul could be pointing out that the first and third priorities are only separated by the second. A person’s living out of God’s call is affected by the one he marries. For her and for him, a spouse moves from outside your priority list to the highest place granted to created beings. That happens whether you’ve followed God’s leadership in the decision or not. A ministry wife exerts force on her husband’s ministry. That force can push against forward progress or with it. Before you marry, your call to ministry is more important than your prospective spouse. Due consideration and desperate prayer must be given to the decision to move her above your ministry in your personal priorities. While that is the right place for her, you must consider if she is right for that place.

That said, our families cannot be our only priority. Paul said that pleasing a spouse and pleasing the Lord are divided interests, struggling for primacy when time and attention are short. That does not mean that a pastor neglects his family in order to build a church. Neither does it mean that he neglects his ministry because his family needs him. The pendulum between those priorities seems to swing wildly one way and then the other. It’s not an easy balance or tension to maintain. I really don’t think it should be easy. When push comes to shove I pick my family, but push doesn’t come to shove very often.

Churches, work more intently to disciple young men and women headed for vocational ministry. Pastors, you have a lot of experience and leadership to share with young people who’ve not yet married or considered the importance of a spouse in ministry. In our day I get the sense that most young people arrive at seminary or at their first ministry location with less grounding than our churches could have provided. Personally, I’ll confess that I learned more from trial and error than I should have. 

Husband, love the wife you have married as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her. If you want the benefits of a ministry partner who multiplies your effectiveness, nurture her, encourage her, pray for her and include her in your ministry as if she’s important. If we are the leaders of our homes, and before God we are, then we are responsible for her spiritual development to a greater degree than any other person.

Married ministers, there are resources available to your wife, especially in a place like Texas. Classes, online and live, conferences, good examples and even books and videos, can help her see that not only is she in good company as she faces the challenges of a ministry family but also that other women have found ways to flourish among the challenges. Do whatever you need to do so she can gain strength from these resources. Southwestern Seminary offers classes and a rich selection of experienced ministry wives for those who can participate in their programs. Pastor-wife retreats and women’s conferences allow her to gain a network of friends and counselors. Helping her participate in these events will bear sweet fruit in your life and in the lives of those God places under your care.