Adoption: Families see God at work

WAXAHACHIE—Is there a more illustrative picture of a believer’s relationship with God than that of adoption—minus, of course, the paperwork and fees?

“Adoption is the gospel,” said Odell Traffanstedt, father of biological daughter Taylor, 18, and adopted son, Tyson, 4. Traffanstedt, 42, and his wife Charmaine, 40, are in the process of adopting two more—siblings Mary, 3, and Connie, 2.

He said his own spiritual adoption by God was made abundantly real as he and his wife did everything required of them to make Tyson a part of their family two years ago.

“It has helped me grow in my faith by leaps and bounds,” he said.

New mom Brooke Anderson said she saw God at work throughout the adoption process in ways she never expected, even making provisions for her motherhood before the thought ever crossed her mind. She and her husband, Micah, brought newborn Palmer home 13 months ago.

Both families praised the work of Texas Baptist Home for Children for making a blessing of what can be an arduous process. The 102-year-old agency in Waxahachie, operated by the Baptist Missionary Association of Texas and affiliated with the Southern Baptists of Texas Convention, is not just a holding facility for children removed from homes where they were neglected or abused nor a mere go-between for birth mothers willing to give up their babies to couples who can’t bear children. The TBHC is a Christ-centered home to about 122 children awaiting the “forever family” God will give them.

According to Jami Hogan, TBHC director of adoption services, Texas has about 6,000 children needing permanent placement. For-profit and non-profit agencies seek to place the children with adoptive families, but homes like TBHC minister to the spiritual needs of the children, birth mothers, and adoptive families through the process.

Anderson, who works for a hospice agency, credits both types of agencies with doing important work but noted a subtle difference. For-profit adoption agencies offer similar services at a much higher price, sometimes as much as $20,000-$30,000 or more. And though Anderson does not doubt the care given to children by those agencies, she believes the motivation of the non-profit TBHC is the love of the children. And where other agencies have a “first come, first served” management of the waiting list for baby adoptions, TBHC allows the birth mother to select the family who will give her baby a home.

“They are having to take a leap of faith,” she said of the staff’s willingness to let God guide the hearts of those involved in the placement process.

Hogan said watching that process unfold is the best part of her job.

“We’re never right,” Hogan said of the staff’s attempts to guess which couple the birth mom will choose for her baby. Someone unexpected is almost always selected.

“We give [God] the glory through the whole thing. It’s a wonderful job to have,” Hogan said.

Couples like the Andersons give the birth mother as much information about themselves as possible without actually meeting her. That step is left up to her. One of the forms of introduction was a scrapbook.

Brooke Anderson joked her creation would make her and Micah a shoo-in. She is admittedly “crafty,” in an artistic way, and created a visual presentation of the life their new baby would be welcomed into.
The selection process for couples wanting to adopt an older child is just as unpredictable. Hogan said families come to TBHC with a specific “make and model” in mind but when they let God lead “it’s just perfect.”

She said, “I know it’s hard to wait for God to bring the child he intends to have in their home.”

Neglect and abuse force the children from their homes but love and the desire for a family—or an expanded family—draw them into new homes. Hogan said the agency makes it clear to adopting parents that TBHC is a faith-based service and prospective parents are asked to have a letter of reference from their pastor as just part of their parental resume.

And it is the “Baptist” in Texas Baptist Home for Children that draws women with unplanned pregnancies to their doors.

“That’s why they’re calling us,” Hogan said. “They want a Christian agency and a Christian home” for their babies.

TBHC facilitates foster care, providing the required state training and services for prospective foster parents. Children removed from their homes by the court are placed with foster parents or at TBHC. Sometimes those placements are done on an emergency basis so foster homes must be ready to accept foster children at a moment’s notice.

Such was the case with the Traffanstedt family. In the course of adopting their son, the couple completed the required training to become foster parents. Before they could bring home Tyson (who was 2 1/2 at the time) they received a call for emergency placement—two baby girls, sisters, needed a home. It just happened to be their daughter Taylor’s 16th birthday.

What, at first, seemed a spoiler for the day ended up being the beginning of a wonderful relationship.
“We didn’t realize how quickly [Taylor] bonded with the kids,” Charmaine recalled.

Shortly after taking in the sisters, they brought Tyson home. Within 30 days the Traffanstedt family had doubled. And they were OK with that. The couple is in the process of adopting the sisters, Connie and Mary, and recently moved to a larger home to accommodate their new family.

Brooke Anderson said the entire adoption journey revealed glimpses of God—from the time she got a blood clot in her arm to the circumstances surrounding the announcement that she and Micah had been selected as adoptive parents.

The clot revealed a blood disorder, making pregnancy a life-threatening endeavor. Anderson gave little thought to that diagnosis as motherhood was the furthest thing from her mind as a young, single college student. But after marriage, when nieces, nephews, and babies of friends began arriving, the idea of parenthood became more appealing.

They began putting money aside to pay the adoption fees, which would run from around $12,500 to around $20,000 at TBHC. Hogan said TBHC charges on a sliding scale, setting fees in accordance with a family’s ability to pay. The cost of adopting foster children is significantly less than adopting babies.

Anderson said because they already knew she could not have children the couple did not spend thousands of dollars on medical exams and fertility treatments and were able to easily save the money.
After presenting what was required of prospective parents, all the Andersons could do was wait. There were four couples anticipating the decision of one birth mother.

“I was at a meeting in Fort Worth, in a church of all places,” Anderson recalled. The company has a large corporate office in the city where staff usually meets but, for a reason unknown to Anderson, the meeting was held in the off-site location.

She got a call from Hogan and excused herself from the meeting. The TBHC director told Anderson to check her email. There were a few loose ends to tie up.

Or so she said.

The email message from Texas Baptist Home for Children contained a poem and a heart-stopping announcement: “Congratulations! You’re having a boy!”

She called her husband to let him know they had been selected and could expect their son’s arrival in a couple of weeks.

The rest of the day was excruciating trying to keep her head in the meetings all the while going through a mental checklist of what needed to be done and who needed to be told the good news.

Just over two weeks later they sat in a hospital room reserved for them and their son. The Andersons never met Tyson’s mom. That was her choice. But they communicate via email and leave open the option for her to visit the child she blessed them with.

The Andersons are already introducing the word “adopt” into Tyson’s vocabulary. They don’t want the circumstances of how he came to be a part of their family to be a surprise or a mystery. And Brooke Anderson’s mother reinforces the message.

“She’s so bad!” she said of her mother, who regularly reminds her toddler grandson that he is “more special” because he is adopted. Although she doesn’t want her son growing up with any pretentious ideas about himself, she lets her mother share her heart because, she too, was adopted.

“I think it’s really cool,” Brooke said. “It’s come full circle.”

Additional information on adoption through Texas Baptist Home for Children is accessible at tbhc.org.