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I have been asked what God has taught me in raising a special-needs child. The better question would be, “What haven’t I learned?” My son, who was born with spina bifida, has been perhaps the greatest tool God has used in my life to teach me about trusting him.
By nature, I am a perfectionist who likes organization, structure, and order. And while some of these skills serve me well in caring for a child with special needs, God quickly revealed how much of my efforts were really about control. I like my lists and I like things to move according to my plan.
But God has such an incredible way of placing me in a position I cannot control and showing me how little I really trust him. He is continually reminding me that he is El Elyon, the Most High sovereign God who is in control of all things, even the details of my son’s life.
I am still in process, and it is a process. But after 21 years, I have seen time and again God’s perfect provision for every need. It hasn’t been easy or without pain, but through the struggle God has matured my faith. He reminds me over and over that he understands my weaknesses and my frailties yet he loves me anyway. He provides what I cannot. He loves my son even more than I do. He weeps over the same things I do and rejoices when the victories come.
There are still many unanswered questions and uncertainties that lie ahead. But I no longer let the questions become more important than the One who holds the answers and while I may be uncertain of what lies ahead, God never is. He will always be there to walk with us.
I am also learning about what it is to empty self, for my days revolve around caring for the needs of another. It means putting my dreams on the back burner and learning to sacrifice what I want for someone else. It can be wearying and there are days I want to give up but then God reminds me of the sacrifice Christ made for me. I believe God has given me a small taste of what Christ did for me. He gave up his rights and privileges as God to come here and show us the love of the Father. It has changed how I respond to others and taught me what mercy and compassion are in practice. This is not part of my natural response but comes from his Spirit within.
And when I think I can’t do it anymore, he gives grace overflowing for one more day.
God has helped me understand what it means to persevere, which is not just getting through something, but remaining under control and learning to see the blessings even in the difficulties. So much is a matter of perspective and choice. This is what we have always taught our son. We can choose to be angry and bitter over what we don’t have and can’t do?or we can choose to look at what we can do with what God has given and express gratitude. It really is a matter of perspective, learning to look for the blessings. And blessings are everywhere.
When my son achieves something he was told he would never do, there is a depth of joy and gratitude beyond description. While at time the pain seems deeper, the victories, small as they may be, bring greater heights of rejoicing.
This entire journey requires me to keep my focus on Christ. The minute my gaze shifts anywhere else, my perspective becomes skewed. When the fear or uncertainty seeks to overwhelm me, I must choose to “take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5). It is an act of the will and I have to choose it continually.
I have also found that I must be in his Word daily, for it is life to me. God’s Word teaches me about his character and that I can indeed trust him with everything. His Word keeps lifting my gaze to a higher plane, to an eternal perspective instead of a temporal one. And when I consider Christ and all he has done for me, I can run the race set before me, fixing my eyes on him, and not grow weary (Hebrews 12:1-3).
We will all cross the finish line and fall into the arms of Jesus one day and these struggles will be a distant memory. I will finally know the eternal weight of glory this journey is producing in me and it will all be worth it. I have been asked if I could go back and change anything, knowing what I know now, would I do it. The answer is no. While I would never wish my son to have to endure this journey, God has allowed me to catch a glimpse of what he is accomplishing through my son’s life.
I can never in my finite mind understand why God allows what he does, but I have seen that, if for no other reason, this journey has made me grow in ways I could not otherwise. The same can be said for my family and the many lives that have been impacted through my son’s life. The one thing I am more certain of than ever is that God can take any situation in life and bring something beautiful and worthwhile out of it. Just meet my son and you’ll see.
