13 ways to encourage your pastor beyond Pastor Appreciation Month

I recently texted nearly 150 pastors asking them one question: What are the things that are most meaningful and encouraging in your role as a pastor? The sample size was broad—from men serving their very first church to seasoned, retired pastors. Church size ranged from membership around 100 into the tens of thousands. From their 20s to their 80s, current pastors and retired pastors, bivocational and full-time, church planters and legacy church pastors, rural and urban, men you’ve never heard of and household names, senior pastors, student pastors, worship pastors—the one thing they all held in common was experience in pastoral ministry.

Some of the answers I expected and some were brand new. But all of them were good. Here is a distillation of the most frequent answers with a few specific quotes to illustrate:

1. Encourage him specifically

Verbal or written encouragement was far and away the most frequent answer. But not just any encouragement; almost to a man, each of them said that the most meaningful encouragement was specific.

• “Don’t just say, ‘Great sermon, pastor.’ Say, ‘The way you explained the role of the Holy Spirit in bringing conviction of sin changed my view on the Spirit’s role in my life.’ Or ‘when you gave up your Saturday to visit that person in the hospital, it moved me. Your sacrifice for the church is inspiring, pastor!’ The more specific the encouragement, the more your pastor is going to believe it!”
• “Intentional words of affirmation. Intentional meaning not just a general compliment, but specific things you appreciate, or specific ways you have been impacted, specific things that you love about the church, the mission, the vision/direction. As a pastor, one of the challenges is, I don’t always know where people actually stand or how they are receiving things, where they think the church is. So intentional words of affirmation is a huge blessing!”

2. Compensate him generously

As someone who isn’t a pastor but has the benefit of having lots of friends who are, I can say with confidence that the vast majority of pastors are underpaid. Whatever your pastor is making, he almost certainly deserves more. Pastors don’t clock out at 5 p.m., and the job is harder than you’ll ever know if you haven’t done it. Sleepless nights, tears, the burden of caring for others in their most difficult moments—these are the things you’ll rarely hear your pastor talk about. A workman is worthy of his wages, and elders who lead well are worthy of double honor (1 Timothy 5:17-18). Be the person in the church advocating for generous compensation—and this includes health insurance, retirement matching, and housing allowance, in addition to salary.

• “Most pastors are underpaid, the market is tough right now, and there’s no opportunity for commission. Wives often feel this pinch more than the husbands.”

3. Offer no-strings-attached friendship

Pastors need men who will be their friends without any expectations beyond that of someone who isn’t a pastor. They need people with whom it’s safe to share their own burdens and those they can be around without constantly talking about work. Be the person who, when you reach out to plan lunch or coffee, they immediately know it will be a time of rest and refreshment rather than being lobbied about a church issue.

• “When men come alongside me as ‘low maintenance’ friends. When they don’t pry for information about the church, when they don’t angle to feel connected to power—but rather—when they are true, low maintenance friends that just care about me as a man. Like my golf buddies. Guys that say more about my golf game than they do my ministry—these are my best friends in the church.”
• “Let him be a real person. That’s the best way for a pastor and his family to be a part of the church, be prayed for, have friends, and be mentally healthy.”

4. Love and care for his family

If you want to honor and encourage your pastor, honor and encourage his wife and children. I had a pastor tell me last week that a church member had openly critiqued his wife in a recent meeting. Please, be the opposite of that guy! Cherish his wife and the quiet, often unknown ways she is supporting him. Look for ways to recognize and honor his children. One of the things I heard most frequently was to offer to babysit his kids (or pay for it) so he and his wife can get away for dinner.

• “Most pastors are far away from family, so go to their kids’ sports events, remember their kids’ birthdays with cards or gifts, and be his kids’ family. The deepest love you can show is being involved with their family and loving on their children the same way you would with your grandkids or your own kids.”
• “One member this year has given $200 gift cards or cash to each of my kids. The kids felt really special.
• “If you want to encourage a pastor, then bless his kids. Find out their birthdays and do something special for them or give them a gift. A pastor’s family pays a big price and rarely gets credit for it.”
• “Don’t project expectations of pastoral responsibilities on a pastor’s spouse and/or kids. Simply be kind and love them well.”

5. Pray for him creatively and in-person

Hopefully we all spend time praying for our pastors (if not, this is a great reminder to start). Think of some ways you can do that creatively and intentionally.

• “Often people say they are praying for their pastor but rarely do pastors ever have people pray with them. When people stop me and say, ‘I know you pray with people a lot but I want to pray for you right now,’ it is always an encouragement.”
• “Commit to pray for him for 30 days and send him your journal of how you prayed for him. Another one is to create a group where one person will text the pastor each day for 30 days with an encouraging verse and a prayer.”
• “A church member took it upon herself to schedule people to pray for me in my office before every worship service. She scheduled every dynamic of the church. Children through senior adults. Singles, couples, Sunday School classes. It is such a treat every week. It has blessed me so much.”

6. Give him the benefit of the doubt

There are some pastors out there who have acted abusively or sinned in ways that disqualify them—but they are the exception, not the rule. Your pastor is trying to love Jesus and the flock that has been entrusted to him with integrity. Don’t be skeptical or cynical because other pastors have earned a bad reputation.

• “You won’t agree with your pastor all the time. But a pastor will see and appreciate someone they trust to be honest behind closed doors, but publicly will remain committed and supportive.”
• “Give him charity when you don’t agree, and trust when you don’t understand.”
• “Tell him you’re on board. Unfortunately, pastors often hear more from those who are unhappy than from the majority who support his vision and leadership. If you’re on board, don’t be afraid to tell him.”

7. Encourage his hobbies

You have hobbies, and so does your pastor. What does he like? Offer to take him hunting if that’s his thing. Invite him to play golf if that’s what he loves. Speak his language.

• “Do something that encourages a hobby he already has. My deacons bought me a bull, you know.”
• “Buy him ammo.”

8. Surprise him financially

People don’t get into ministry for the money. You should be compensating him generously (see #2), but surprise him every now and then—and not just in October. I lost count of the number of pastors who said that gift cards for a date night or family night was one of the most encouraging things to them. Have each home group or Sunday School class sign up for a month of the year to give a nice, unprompted gift to the pastor and his family. Pass the boot for a love offering. Give him a cash handshake. It means a lot.

• “On my first anniversary, the church sent our family on an all-expenses paid vacation. We felt appreciated!”
• “Offer to babysit for a free date night. Maybe a gift card for them to go out too.”
• “Money—that’s my idea. It could be specific. Nice dinner, sporting event, or some other fun activity. Or just cash.”

9. Recognize the toll his job takes, and say so

Shepherding a church is a hard, often thankless job. Don’t let it be that way for your pastor. Acknowledge the burden he is carrying as an under-shepherd of Jesus and thank him.

• “Recognize the hard work and stress they deal with and simply say thank you. Sometimes pastors feel like no one cares or knows the weight of responsibility and it means a lot when someone genuinely acknowledges it.”

10. Block gossip and ungodly criticism

Be the first to encourage and the last to criticize. If you have a concern, deal with it directly rather than spreading it around to others. If it warrants a conversation with the pastor, arrange a time to talk to him and be specific about what you want to discuss—don’t send a vague text or email that you need to talk to him about “something.” When you hear others criticizing him or his family, rebuke gossip and point them toward an in-person conversation, if necessary.

• “Be a blocker rather than a conduit for less-than-mission-critical complaints and questions.”
• “Never criticize him to others. If you have a concern, find a time during the week to discuss it with him. Don’t ever go to him in an angry way. Always have your desire to encourage him, not condemn him.”
• “Be quicker to share what you appreciate about him rather than where you disagree with him.”

11. Make sure he rests

From weekly sermon prep to hospital visits, administration and budgeting to weddings and funerals, pastors are often overworked. I talked to a friend last month who has been a senior pastor for 30 years and has never spent more than two weeks in a row out of the pulpit and never had a sabbatical. Pastors need rest. Make sure your church’s policies support this, and facilitate getaways where possible.

• “Give them a sabbatical every 5 years or so. Just had my first one this past summer and it was really refreshing.”
• “Obviously most pastors don’t make a ton of disposable income, so it’s such a gift when folks that have access to ranches/ski lodges/etc let them take their families to use them.”

12. Take him out for a meal

Bless your pastor with your time, presence, and a good meal—no strings attached. Ask about his favorite sports team. Get to know him as a person. Avoid church talk.

• “Perhaps my favorite is when people take me out to eat. They generally give me an option or two based on what I like and then take me. Typically it’s just hang out time. Very little church talk and always a time of great encouragement.”
• “Take him to lunch without controversy – just checking in and saying, ‘I’m thankful for you.’”

13. Communicate to him that you’re willing to serve

Tell your pastor that you’re willing to bat utility and serve where the need is greatest. Show him by your actions that you’re ready—this includes having a servant’s attitude and a willingness to show up consistently.

• “When there are more needs than servants, the pastor feels it most acutely. Serve with a joy that makes walking through the halls of the children’s ministry a blessing for the pastor rather than triggering.”
• “Tell him you would like to lead a short-term mission trip. Churches that are going are churches that are growing. Every pastor is encouraged by his people doing the main thing.”

This list could continue with more ways to encourage your pastor—tithing, leading in evangelism in missions, bringing friends to church, singing loud in worship, pursuing personal holiness (one of my favorite responses was “I don’t have much beyond stop sinning and disciple someone”).

At the end of the day, ask the Lord to cultivate a grateful heart for the work your pastor does and a willingness to not just show him on your own, but to be a leader in helping the church display that gratitude. And though October is generally celebrated as Pastor Appreciation Month, let it extend all year long. A good pastor is a gift from God—make sure he knows it!