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I have been a minister’s wife for 37 years—the first 30 in youth ministry and the past seven as a senior pastor’s wife. I still feel like a newbie at this whole pastor’s wife gig. It is a gift to be called to this role, one that brings many blessings but also unique challenges and plenty of questions.
How do I find my role in an established church? Am I expected to be a part of everything that goes on at our church? I am a co-laborer with my husband, so how do I handle criticism of him, myself, or other aspects of our church? Where can I get answers to these and other questions?
Not long after becoming the wife of a senior pastor, I attended the Southern Baptists of Texas Convention’s Pastor Wives Retreat. What an impact this event had on me. It showed me how important it is to be connected to other pastor wives.
At the retreat, I sat at a table with other wives from my area, and we spent time sharing answers to specific ministry questions. It was so encouraging to hear I was not the only one feeling lonely at times and to know I could talk about struggles or ask questions in a safe place. It was also amazing that, inevitably, someone would share something I could apply to my own experience.
We decided to start a text group to stay connected and, six years later, that group is still going strong. We share prayer requests, funny stories, challenges, even pastor wife memes. These seemingly simple gestures have walked our little group through hilarious situations, job changes, heartbreaking life and church events, joys and celebrations, answered prayers, and so much more. Also, each year at this retreat, my circle of fellow wives has grown and new text groups and Facebook friends have formed. Through it, God has met a need in my life and many others.
So what are some of the benefits of being connected to other wives of senior pastors?
"Sharing moments of joy and laughter with friends can help make the weight of our journey easier to bear and just more fun."
Emotional support
Being the wife of a pastor can sometimes feel isolating. Together, we can share experiences, challenges, and encouragement, or just offer a listening ear to hear each other’s concerns.
Shared wisdom
Experienced pastor wives can offer valuable advice and insights on how to handle various aspects of church life and family dynamics. New pastor wives remind us we still have things to learn from one another in these ever-changing times.
A prayer network
Having a group of women who understand the unique challenges of ministry—and who can pray specifically for one another—is powerful.
Friendship and fellowship
Having fellowship with those who share this unique role facilitates deeper friendships and meaningful connections, allowing us to be authentic and real.
Shared laughter and joy
Sharing moments of joy and laughter with friends can help make the weight of our journey easier to bear and just more fun.
The SBTC has several ways for the wives of pastors to connect. I encourage you to join the SBTC Pastor’s Wife Facebook group or plan to attend the next Pastor Wives Retreat. Whatever you do, don’t wait to get connected!
