How to help in grief

How can you comfort a grieving person? What should you do? What should you say? A Christian has both immediate and long-term opportunities to show God’s love to a grieving friend.

When you learn of the death?
Call immediately. Pray right on the phone with the grieving person.

Be certain his pastor and Sunday School teacher have been notified.

Stop by to visit as soon as possible. Pray before you knock. Don’t worry about what to say. Your presence, even briefly, conveys your care and God’s love.

Assess immediate needs. Do they need help with a child? If you’re a good friend, can you unobtrusively straighten the living room or kitchen before guests begin to arrive?

Volunteer to help with notification phone calls, incoming calls or answering the door.

Before the funeral?
Consider practical needs, such as airport transportation, housing out-of-town guests, babysitting or pet-sitting. Do they need to borrow an extra car? Does the vegetable garden need water or the lawn need mowing?

Deliver a bouquet of fresh flowers from your garden.

Plan ahead for bereavement ministry by preparing grocery bags of paper products?cups, plates, plastic forks, toilet paper, paper towels, tissues. Deliver a bag to the home as soon as you learn of a death.

Place a journal near the door to record names of guests who visit, bring food or flowers.

Ask if they would like you to stop and notify any neighbors.

Write funeral details?time, place, viewings, special requests?by the phone for quick reference.

Sit with the bereaved and listen.

If children are around, be intentional about showing God’s love to them. Listen. Bring puzzle books or loan toys. Offer to take the kids to a nearby park for an hour.

Friends often bring food to help feed guests who come to the home. If you bring food, only use disposable containers. Prepare a dish that is simple to serve. A veggie tray might be better for grazing guests than a corn casserole.

Attach a note so they’ll know who brought the food. When you deliver it to the door, voice a brief prayer with the person who answers the door.

If there is an overage of perishable food, offer to share your freezer space.

If the funeral is out of town, don’t insist on bringing food they must store. Save that ministry for their return.

If a group from church prepares a meal (Bible class, women on mission, deacon wives, etc.), include a card with signatures, a group photo or a list of names.

At the funeral:
Be there. Your presence at the funeral speaks volumes.

If security is an issue, a trusted church member may volunteer to stay at the bereaved person’s home during the funeral.
Help find childcare during the funeral for out of town family who need it.

Recruit volunteer greeters for the funeral.

Some churches prepare a meal for visiting relatives before or after the funeral. Add a printed note on the table to indicate your prayers for the family. Our church has a regular volunteer team who does kitchen duties, while the appropriate Bible class brings and serves the food.

After the funeral: (Grief ministry continues beyond the funeral service!)

Send a daily (or weekly) encouraging Scripture by e-mail or snail mail.

Put the bereaved person’s name on a card by your dressing mirror as a prayer reminder.

Call a few days after the funeral to compliment the funeral service and check on the griever. Make a date to meet for tea and to listen.

Within the week, deliver an appropriate book with Scriptural encouragements, such as “Grace for the Widow,” by Joyce Rogers.

Within three weeks, invite the griever to dinner.

Offer to assist the bereaved with thank you notes if needed.

Seek out the bereaved person at church, speak to them and sit beside them. Call when they’re absent from church.
Program your number into his or her phone so they can call in an emergency, or if they just need to chat.

On each month of next year’s calendar, mark the date of the death. On those days, send a note, make a call, or meet the griever for coffee.

Memorial gift ideas: Plant a tree in her memory. Write a poem or letter with memories of the deceased. Purchase a park bench for the church lawn, a stained glass window, cement sculpture for the prayer garden, Bibles for church pews, a book for the church library or a scholarship in his memory. Give the grieving friend a garden stone, a beautiful journal, a “pamper basket” or an assortment of restaurant gift cards.

If the funeral service is recorded, a deacon may deliver a few CDs to the bereaved person.

Call occasionally in the evening when the griever is alone.

If you have access to a lake house or vacation site, offer it for a getaway.

If the bereaved person lives alone, freeze individual plates of food to share.

If you know another Christian who’s experienced a similar grief, introduce them.

Laugh together. Cry together. Take him fishing. Take her to the library or shopping. Help with paperwork. Text. Share Christian books and magazines. Talk with joy and remembrance about the deceased person’s life. Laughter is a great medicine!

Include him or her on your guest list when you entertain during upcoming months.

A church might form grief support groups, such as widows and widowers, parents of deceased children, or a general grief support group for fellowship, prayer, Bible study, outings, ministry projects or mission trips.

A deacon and spouse or church member might be assigned to help the bereaved person with physical, spiritual and social needs.

A children’s class can “adopt” a recent widow or widower to send cards, deliver candies and help with small projects.
Acknowledge important dates or holidays, such as birthday, anniversary, Father’s Day. If the bereaved person is alone, invite him or her to join you for the occasion.

God promises his comfort, and He challenges each of us to comfort others.