Panel: ‘You don’t have to be a theologian to be a great parent’

Jayson Larson: What is the state of biblical engagement and biblical literacy among children based on what you are seeing in your ministries?

Karen Kennemur: I think that biblical illiteracy [among children] is at an all-time high. One of the things I’ve seen [that concerns me] is the way we are doing church that I’m not sure is very friendly to children. Children may meet one time a week on a Sunday morning, and then that’s the only time they meet. Our parents are supposed to be the main disciplers of their children, but also I believe that the partnership of the church is extremely important. If a child is only going to be at church one hour a week, how are we able to actually help parents with biblical literacy there? I’m very concerned about children and families and where we are as we see ourselves today. 

Karen Tayne: I think as far as literacy, as far as knowing where books of the Bible are, how to look up scripture, [children] are competent in that area. As far as it engaging in their life, a lot of that flows from what they see at home. What we often find when we’re talking with parents, they never saw that modeled. They either grew up in a home that wasn’t a Christian home, or it was a home where the attitude was, “Take them to church and let church do it,” and we will have church conversations, but not spiritual conversations. In other words, “What was your story about today?” versus “What did God teach you today? How does that apply to your life?” Those deeper questions. And so for a lot of our parents, we’re learning that we have to get super practical in explaining those very vague terms of family worship or discipleship.

Keri Meek: I agree a lot with what Karen just said. As far as Bible skills, those things, I feel like most kids who come to church on a regular basis do feel confident in that area. But as far as them engaging in the Scriptures on a day-in-and-out thing, it’s really something that if it’s not modeled in the home, the large majority are not going to do that. It’s one of those things where if adults are not engaging in the Word, then what follows is the kids not doing the same in turn, because we’re only with them so little at church.

JL: What are some proven practical strategies or helpful tips that you have come across that would help parents start to build a biblical foundation in their children?

KT: I always tell my teachers and parents it is critical that you communicate when you’re telling a story from the Bible to have a Bible in your hand. Even if you may be reading from a curriculum, say, “This is God’s Word and we know it is true.” When you’re reading a Disney story book at night, and then you’re reading a Bible story, at that preschool age it’s really simple for them to just assume these are all stories. It’s critical to always communicate that there is a difference. And then, as early as possible, but especially when you get into those grade school years, start drawing their attention to the chronological narrative of the Bible and how it all points to Jesus. That’s super helpful.

KM: We also always stress that with our teachers, to use the Bible and never just have their lesson book out. The other thing is really training our teachers and then our parents to ask the questions: “What is God saying? Who is God in this passage? What does this passage teach us about who God is? How can we apply it to our everyday life?” So it’s not just telling the stories, but really asking those important questions so they can apply it to their life. And I love what Karen said, too: we’re teaching the whole narrative of the story from Genesis to Revelation, all pointing to the gospel, all pointing to who Jesus is and always drawing that out of every lesson with the kids. But not just teaching it, we teach our teachers to teach this, then it goes beyond that into the home as well, making it more easy and likely that parents will be able to point them to Jesus.

KK: I would say there are some simple things. I think that attending church as a family is very simple, but it’s very important. It was always good for my children and my husband and I to worship together so children are seeing their parents in a worship setting, they’re seeing their parents praise God, they’re seeing their parents in prayer. I think another thing that’s important is prayer. A lot of times, if the father and the mother were not raised in a Christian home, prayer is not something that comes easy to them. If the parents are not comfortable in modeling this and showing their children how to pray, then try praying over your children when they’re asleep. The other thing I did want to say, I think it’s important for children and pre-teens, even preschool children, to serve together as a family. 

JL: Many parents carry a constant guilt because they feel like they’re not doing a good job discipling their children biblically or they feel like they’ve missed their chance altogether. What encouragement do you have for parents who may feel that way?

KK: I think we all feel that we failed at some point. What I would say to young families and to young parents is it makes a difference that you spend time with the Lord, because when you spend time with the Lord, then what you have flows out of you. We had three kids in four years, so [spending time with the Lord] was hard to do. It’s hard to do when they’re babies and they’re staying up and you can’t get them to sleep and then you’re exhausted the next day. When that season goes away, then you have all these other things. Life as a parent is always fast, furious, and there’s always lots to do. I say embrace that, enjoy that time of life, but it’s extremely important to spend time in the Word and with the Lord in a strong prayer life. The other thing I would say is, you don’t have to be a theologian to be a great parent. In Deuteronomy, the writer gives us great advice in the Shema where he says [talk about Scripture] as you go through the day, when you lie down at night. That’s a great time to talk about the Bible story that they learned on Sunday. Take it one day at a time and in every activity.

KT: When those babies are little, start talking to them about God. Start calling out God moments even though they don’t understand. Start praying over them. Start doing all of those things so that you’re comfortable whenever they’re older to be already having those conversations. At a conference that we did years ago, we had three different parents who had very different styles of discipling their children speak on a panel. They did discipling of their children totally different and it gave our folks real-life models of what it looks like. And each one of them said, “I’ve totally messed up at times ….” That was freeing to a lot of them who had beaten themselves up a lot over messing up and thinking, “I’m never going to get this right.” But the most important thing is exactly what Dr. Kennemur said—live it out. If they see you living it out throughout your day, that will speak volumes to them.

KM: Shame and guilt have no place at the table. That is not of the Lord—that is from the enemy. When somebody is feeling shame and guilt, it paralyzes them and they won’t do anything. We have to help our parents understand that. Many of the parents that we have in our ministries did not grow up in a home where they even had a Bible or prayed together, so we’re having to teach these things. And again, it’s best when modeled. That’s why it’s so important that we build relationships with these families and that we’re training our teachers to do life with our families. The best way we can disciple others is to do life with them. Telling them, “You need to read God’s Word or pray with your kids,” it’s so foreign to so many people. But if you have them over to your house, and then you pray before dinner, or you ask one of your kids to pray, or you read a Scripture before dinner, you’re doing the little things and modeling that to show them how to do it.